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Merry Go Round

4/26/2017

13 Comments

 
Picture
        Someone once told me that guilt is punishing yourself before God does.  The path you choose is paved with the choices you make, which will be subconsciously associated with how you feel about those choices.  We were all raised differently, treated differently and that basic line of treatment is going to predict how we treat others and ourselves down the road.  I believe the deposits and/or withdrawals you make in people’s lives will be the same deposits and withdrawals you make within your own.  Don’t punish other people because you feel they may hurt you first.  I struggle with allowing people to get too close, and that’s okay.  Although not everyone deserves your love and effort, everyone deserves to be treated with respect.  One who lashes out without blatant cause is a scarred soul wrapped in a tangled spirit whose goal is to essentially keep others around them under the tide so they don’t drown themselves.


        “Kill it before it kills you,” is something I created to give myself an excuse to hurt people.  The sad thing is, I’m just now realizing this while typing.  If this is how we view life, friendship and romantic relationships then there will be nothing left in the end.  Worrying before it happens, predicting the outcome without any reasonable cause.  I don’t want to be the person that stands alone in a circle of dead bodies.  I don’t want to be the person that causes the tears to form in your eyes before you’ve raised a hand.  I don’t want to be the girl who makes you fight for your life when your oxygen isn’t being threatened.  We have coping mechanisms, whether we run before the chase or we build brick walls without being in a war. Build walls to reach a state of serenity and peace within yourself.


        I have used hurting myself as an anesthetic from past injuries.  I have also inflicted pain upon myself as punishment for the things I’ve done to other people.  It’s a nasty cycle.  We hurt people because they’ve hurt us, we punish ourselves for hurting other people, people punish us because they’ve been hurt.  It’s all a merry go round of self condemnation laced with pity and pain, but it can be medicated.  Remember who you were before your first heartbreak.  Don’t lose your twinkle, don’t forget what gave you your spark before someone tried to dim it out.  Remember how you felt the first time a girl or a boy kissed you.  Remember how much you used to be capable of giving, without the expectation or the desire for praise.  Go into relationships and life with the luminescence you had before you were ever ripped to pieces.  You can break the cycle of self harm by treating people the way you want to be treated.  Every person has been through something that made them feel like they wanted to die, but who we are is how we handle these situations.  Be the difference, be your own happiness, make someone smile and be the change you beg to see from the world.


And know, someone is looking to you for guidance.


Love,
Bratty
13 Comments
Bratty's Little One
4/26/2017 02:31:22 pm

OMG, this is so amazing. I love this and it actually makes me want to be a leader in life and also inspire and help others.
I used to hurt myself in the past because it was a way to express pain. Looking back on it, I didn't deserve to hurt myself, nobody should ever hurt themselves.
This honestly spoke to me though, this is art. I'm so proud of you and for everything you have been through. You're the strongest warrior I know and I want to thank you for helping me and inspiring me.
I love you so much.

Xoxo, Courtney. <3

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_AyoItsLo
4/26/2017 02:42:34 pm

I think some people truly underestimate you. This writing was so eloquent and relatable. I struggle with this on a daily basis. Past experiences can turn the kindest hearts into the coldest if we let them. I didn't realize until now that the many things that have fallen through for me are simply the consequence of subconscious decisions I've made in order to save myself.

Saving myself doesn't have to mean drowning everyone else though. As you said, "I don't want to be the person that stands alone in a circle of dead bodies." It's especially true when the blood lies on your own hands. I think it's time to take a trip back to who I was before I became this numb, apathetic person.

Thank you for this. It's definitely opened my eyes, and I think I've become a bit more self-aware because of it. You have a gift, Bratty. Continue to give it. :)

Lo

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Jaelin link
4/26/2017 05:11:10 pm

I've ever read anything else that's touched me the way this did. You're truly an amazing writer and person inside and out. I'm absolutely blessed to have someone like you in my life and I can't wait to get to read more of your wonderful writings. I love you :)

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Liz-PR
4/26/2017 05:49:49 pm

I love it bratty Thank you for sharing it with us. Don't ever stop writing because you are actually helping myself and other people. So proud of you ❤️

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DewditsJenni.GDS
4/26/2017 05:51:02 pm

This is truly amazing. Life lesson I need to take myself right here, thank you so much for being open. Love you girl xx

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Hunter (@PersonalFleek)
4/26/2017 06:27:47 pm

I love your blogs they're very inspiring. If you ever decide to write a novel, just know that I will buy it. #BrattyIsDatty <3

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1crazyblonde
4/26/2017 07:08:41 pm

I needed to hear this. Thanks for the awesome words of encouragement. You're amazing! xo

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Brad
4/26/2017 08:21:16 pm

❤❤❤❤ love this one bratty

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AYEXKUSH
4/27/2017 12:13:29 pm

AHH! You are an amazing writer, I could read your work for days! I truly enjoyed reading this one. Touched me a little too! <3

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April
4/27/2017 08:35:48 pm

it's amazing I think you should write more cutie 😉☺💞

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xotyxo
5/16/2017 02:01:34 am

you're so talented Bratty

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fallenxxangel(janael lynn) link
5/18/2017 09:04:13 pm

these blogs have truely touched my heart u are very inspiring and very intelligent you are more than just a pretty face and a rocking body,these prove u have a heart,brain and soul also,much love and mad respect ......

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MisssLaura
12/27/2017 12:30:55 am

You are inspiring me to get out of this dark hole that i am stuck in right now. Always feeling like there is no way out and that life cant get better, but reading this makes me remember the times i didnt have to worry about anything or worry about people using me and backstabbing me. I need to be strong and do me and if people want to be in my life then they better climb up that wall of trust. Thank you for all you do.

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