My chest was tightened, everything around me was blurry. I tried to move but it was like my shoes were made of concrete and my arms made of jello. I was slow moving and weak like a malnourished child. Everything that surrounded me was like a lit up time lapse in the middle of Times Square. Red and blues and yellows rapidly advancing past me, potholes bursting with water in the streets. Animated billboards lit up in the sky like a fucking Christmas tree in the middle of December. And there I was, statued in at a stand still. My eyes were wide open and my mouth was sewn together, and I knew, this is what fear looks like.
People dead possibilities by allowing their fear to overpower their courage. I have avoided friendships, broken off romantic relationships and strayed from my goals by fearing what could happen. One out of two things will happen based upon your choices: You will fail and learn something, or you will try and succeed at something. What people don’t realize is that even if you fail, you will take with you the knowledge and experience with you for the next time. There is no courage without fear and you will do nothing and learn nothing by becoming a slave to your insecurities. You can choose to live your dreams, or live your fears.
I wonder how many opportunities I have missed out on. I wonder how many dreams I’ve killed by not taking that chance. I wonder if I’ve walked past the love of my life because I thought I wasn’t pretty enough to speak to them. How many career opportunities I’ve dodged because I thought I wasn’t talented enough. I’m a broadcaster, I’m a writer, I’m a woman, I’m a lover, I’m a Mother, I’m a fighter, I’m the fucking beat that my body dances to. I give myself the oxygen to flame the fire that resides inside of this passion that I live so dangerously for. Use fear as a tool to prove to yourself that you’re not weak, that you’re not a push over. Fear is just a feeling your soul whisper to your mind to show you that there is something to overcome. Fear is the asphyxiation of you dreams. What you want is over the fence of fear. Don’t be a slave to it. While you look up to someone, someone is looking up to you to show them the way. Be the evolution you want to see in humanity.
When I first started this entry, I was sharing with you a dream I once had. The world was ending around me and I couldn’t move. I just stood there. Everything was moving around me and I didn’t exist. Maybe I could have changed something. Maybe I could have saved a life or stopped the domino effect but I was too afraid to let what could happen by letting nothing happen. Don’t be the walking dead, don’t be injured bait, don’t be a slave to yourself. Talk to that person you’ve been wanting to talk to. Try out for that contest. Apply for that job. Kiss that boy or girl, go to the party, laugh too loud, make a stupid joke, skinny dip, cry at movies, scream for no reason. Fear is a prison. Show people what freedom looks like. Do what you think you cannot. Fear is a choice. Which one will you make?